<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d6968552\x26blogName\x3dJim+Stroud\x27s+%22Jobseeker\x27s+Revenge%22\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dSILVER\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttps://jobseekersrevenge.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://jobseekersrevenge.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d-7817091213840981306', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>

Friday, May 27, 2005

The Self-Saboteur. Is That You?

"The Self-Saboteur... Is That You?" by Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach

There's a joke circling the Internet right now about a priest, a drunk and an engineer who are facing the guillotine. Each one is asked in turn how he wants to die, face up or face down. The priest is first, and he says "face up" so he can be looking at heaven. Down comes the blade, there's a hitch and it stops 6" from his neck. Considering it divine intervention, they free him.

Same thing happens with the drunk, who decides to go with a winner and choose what the priest chose. Six inches from his neck it stops, and he's allowed to go free as well.

Then it's the engineer's turn. He's smart enough to go with a winning strategy as well. As he lies there watching the blade descend, he gets an "ah hah" moment. "I think I know what's wrong with it," he cries out in delight. "The cable's binding right here."

This joke happens to be a classic illustration of the kind of self-sabotaging we do when we have high IQ, but low EQ (emotional intelligence). EQ, you see, isn't just about emotions, it's the interface between emotions and thinking. It's the kind of skills we have that allow us to make good decisions, have good relationships, and succeed. It may well matter more in life than IQ, as this joke points out so graphically. Here is this brilliant engineer, used to problem-solving mechanical things, who proceeds to use his intellect without really thinking, and gets himself killed you know, shoots himself in the foot.

Self-sabotage is what we do when we aren't able to manage the emotions around a situation, or don't stop and think about the possible consequences of our actions (and actions include words). Like the person who gets reprimanded by the boss and forgets himself and takes a punch.

Who else sabotages themselves?

  • The employee who gets lulled around the water cooler at the job and forgets that self-deprecating remarks can and will be used against her.
  • The salesman who has the order in his pocket, but can't quit talking, and proceeds to grab defeat from the jaws of victory.
  • The man who's so nervous on the job interview he giggles, babbles, and spills his coffee all over the interviewer's desk.
  • The impulsive married man who is sexually attracted to someone at work and has an affair with them, and then, to make himself feel better, confesses to his spouse and boss.
  • The athlete who lets his temper get the best of him on the court.
  • The manager who has the knack of intimidating the employee who needs sensitivity, and placating the employee who needs firmness.
  • The student who learns all the material and then clutches when it's exam time.
  • The individual who lets setbacks, rejections and losses send them into a downward spiral of negativity, depression and pessimism.
  • The actress who gets stage fright and freezes in fear in front of an audience.
  • The worker who sets goals but is too scattered, emotional, and disorganized to carry them out.
  • The coach who misreads his athletes, expects too much or too little of them, and tries to motivate by intellect or intimidation alone.

Success in all the important things in life requires a high degree of emotional intelligence. The person who knows how to get along, can plan ahead, manage their emotions and those of others, generate options, act with intent, maintain the appropriate degree of sensitivity to their environment, and remain optimistic enough to persevere, will always have the edge. Whether it's leadership, a better marriage, a promotion, or respect you're after, the key can be developing your EQ.

The good news is that it can be learned. Just as you continually increase your expertise and academic learning, you can work with a coach or mentor who can explain the competencies to you, help you gain the necessary self-awareness, and give you exercises and feedback. Many people I've coached in EQ call it "the missing piece." However, it's not something you can just read about. It's not like memorizing the chemical elements, or listening to a beautiful piece of music and appreciating it, or taking notes at a one-day seminar. It requires identifying the skills, understanding what they look like in use, and then practicing them in real-life situations, with constructive feedback, and practice.

Becoming mindful, and have many choices in your mental, physical, mental and behavioral repertoire will give you the edge. If you find you often turn left when you should've turned right, or feel or have been called "clueless," or you seem stuck and are unable to move forward, why not give it a try? It's a lot better to be a self-enhancer than a self-saboteur.

©Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc .

Susan is the creator of The EQ Foundation Course, and coaches offers coaching, Internet courses and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your success. She trains and certifies EQ coaches internationally. For FREE ezine mailto: sdunn@susandunn.cc. and put "ezine" for subject line.

Comments: Post a Comment

Home
Preparing the frustrated jobseeker for the market's inevitable return.

Best Blog Awards - Vote for Digability!
Click to vote for Digability!

Job seekers (and Recruiters), show your support for "The Job Seeker Manifesto"

Frustrated with your job search? Do something different! Read: The Job Search Strategist

SUBSCRIBE BY EMAIL

Enter your email to subscribe

SUBSCRIBE BY NEWSFEED
Subscribe in NewsGator Online Subscribe in Rojo
Add 'Jobseeker's Revenge' to Newsburst from CNET News.com Subscribe in Bloglines
Subscribe to Jobseeker's Revenge



BIG BLOG NETWORK

JOBSEEKERS: Jobseekers Revenge - The Jobseeker Manifesto - RECRUITERS: Digability - BizDev 101 - I blog therefore I am - BUSINESS: The Lone Ranger Manifesto

ONLINE RESOURCES

CAREERSITES
.
PageBites
.
Career Fairs
.
College Grads
.
General Jobsites
.
IT Jobs
.
Company Research
.
Search Portals
.
USA Jobs
.
Worldwide Jobs
.
Jobseeker Services
.
Indeed
.
Direct Employers
.
Direct Employers
.
Roevin Engineering & Technical Recruitment
.
Australian career advice

NETWORKING

.
Ryze
.
Godel

PODCASTS

Telework Recruiting
.
Pharm Rep Select
.
Cablenewser
.
Resource Maximizer
.
Direct Employers
.
The Professional Edge
.
Unfair Advantage, Inc.
.
Stoker Resources Group
.
Offshore Outsourcing World
.
The Career Engineers
.
VideoPop
.
World Of Work
.
Marilyn Kay Snyder
.
Gately Consulting
.
John Hadley Associates
.
Chele's Treasures
.
Palisades Media Group, Inc
.
Gate 3 Work Club
.
Littell Consulting Services
.
The Litton Group
.
Birchtree
.
Career Journal
.
Vocation Vacations
.
Ricky Steele
.
Debbie Rodkin
.
Justin Racz

BLOGS

.
Digability
.
Zero To Network
.
Senior Success
.
Davenetics
.
Find A Job Today
.
Steve Eisenberg
.
Recruiting.com
.
Jobstuff
.
Jim Stroud 2.0
.
Technical Careers @ Microsoft
.
Careerbuilder.com WorkLife Blog

SUGGESTED READING

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

.
I Don't Know What I Want, but I Know It's Not This: A Step-By-Step Guide to Finding Gratifying Work

.
Do What You Are

.
The Ultimate Anti-Career Guide

.

How to Find Your Life's Purpose and Ideal Career in 2 easy steps...

RESUMES

.
Resumes For Dummies

.
How to Write Outstanding Resumes & Cover Letters for Every Situation

.
Resume Guide for $100,000 Plus Executive Jobs

INTERVIEWING

.
Best Answers to the 201 Most Frequently Asked Interview Questions

.
Knock 'Em Dead 2004

.
Programming Interviews Exposed

.
How to Interview Like a Top MBA

NETWORKING

.
The Heart Of Networking (Highly recommended!)


Networking For Dummies

.
The Networking Survival Guide

.
Nonstop Networking: How to Improve Your Life, Luck, and Career

COMIC RELIEF

.
50 Jobs Worse Than Yours

.
An All-Out Blitz Against Soul-Sucking Jobs

.
Quit Your Job & Move to Key West

.
It's Not Funny If I Have to Explain It : A Dilbert Treasury

SURVEYS

.

Get paid to take online surveys!

.

Get paid to shop and eat PLUS get free stuff!

.

Survey Scout.

.

Express Paid Surveys

.

Get Cash For Surveys  - Discover how to earn up to $250/hour online taking surveys!.....

BILINGUAL

Bilingual? Make Money!Step-by-step e-guide for starting your own translation business....

..

ENTREPRENEURS

How To Write Your Own eBook In 7 Days  -Write and publish your own OUTRAGEOUSLY Profitable eBook in as little 7 days - even if you can't write or type!

.

Starting A Bed And Breakfast - Complete business package to help you start and operate your own successful Bed and Breakfast business!

.

Ready-Made Business Plans - Over 1000 sample business plans at only $49.95 each!

.

All new for 2005 - 120% BIGGER - The BEST eBay success strategies all in one place: The Silent Sales Machine

.

Get Paid 2 Drive Your Car W/ An Ad On It ....

SURVIVAL

Click here for a fantastic system to save thousands of dollars on groceries every month! .

Get Paid 2 Drive Your Car W/ An Ad On It ....

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

PUBLISHER

Jim Stroud visit my website.

.

Who Links Here.

Give To Tsunami Relief

Give to Hurricane Relief

ARCHIVES

05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004 06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004 07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004 08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004 09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004 10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004 11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004 12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005 01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005 02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005 03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005 04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005 05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005 06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005 07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005 08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005 09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005 10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005 11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005 12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006 01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006 02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006